Thursday, February 7, 2013

RIP Monopoly Iron

The executives at Monopoly have chosen to remove the iron from their repertoire of player tokens.  Instead of the iron, they are adding a cat. 

When you stop hyperventilating out of shock, proceed to the rest of this blog post.

Dear Monopoly Executives,

You and I are in a fight.  Why did you decide to stop making the iron!?  Was that really the piece that you needed to vote out?  I think the wheelbarrow is definitely more pointless.  I've been playing Monopoly for twenty-four years, and no one ever wants the wheelbarrow.  Or what about the boot?  No one wants the boot!  I take your rejection of the iron very personally.   

Without the Monopoly iron, girls of the future are not going to be able to iron their Barbie clothes.  If they never iron their Barbie clothes, they'll never encounter the spark of joy that leads to become a domesticated woman.  I used to iron each space that I landed on when I played Monopoly.  It was very satisfying.  Now what am I supposed to do??  Is this a feminist plot to make women more modern?  You may be removing our tiny irons, but I assure you:  we will find a way to teach our children the fun of pretend-ironing.  Don't even try to stop us. 

Also, you didn't choose to replace the iron with another domestic item such as a broom, mop, skillet, or monogrammed serving spoon.  You chose to replace it with a CAT.  What's up with that?  You already have that cute little scottie dog to represent the animal kingdom.  Now you have two pieces representing the animal kingdom and zero pieces representing the housewives of the world.  That is rude!  I will not stand for this discrimination!  Who was behind this switch, a feminist at PETA?  Down with womens-lib-tree-huggers!  Up with irons!

As a personal protest, I vow to never use your new stupid cat piece.  I will get my own iron (my full size iron), and use that as my game token.  It might cover up a few spaces at a time, but hey - more properties for me.  You should have left me with the small iron, and I would have been more inspired to play fair.  Now all bets are off.  I hope the new cat gets run over by the racecar.


1 comment:

  1. Will read this one and then all your backed ones. He thinks they are hilarious!!!!