Dry Cleaning

I need to take one of my dresses to the dry-cleaners in order to clean it for my next fancy date.  I almost never go to the dry-cleaners, but I feel like when a tag says "dry-clean only," it's not messing around.  Therefore I consulted Good Housekeeping's Guide to Homemaking for what I need to do with my clothes before I take them in.  The book never lets me down!  Here's what I got:

1. Check the shoulder pads.  If they are covered with a plastic material, or if they contain sponge rubber, they should be removed.  Plastic-covered pads usually become stiff and shrink excessively, while sponge-rubber shoulder pads are seldom dry-cleaned satisfactorily.

Ummm...my dress doesn't have shoulder pads because I bought it after 1990.  Still, what kind of shoulder pads were covered in plastic?  Would they crinkle when you walked?  Fifties fashions always look so cute in old pictures... I wonder if they weren't as comfortable as they look.

2. Remove all ornamental buttons, as they may be damaged during dry-cleaning.

Remove the buttons?  As in, cut them off and then sew them back on?  This seems like a lot of work.  What if I just be really careful not to get my clothes dirty so I don't have to take them in to the cleaners?  Dang...I guess that ship already sailed for this dress.  I don't have any buttons on the dress, so that's a moot point anyway. The book didn't say anything about zippers, so I guess I'm okay.

3. Clean out all pockets.  Certain types of matches left in pockets are particularly hazardous.  They may ignite during the deodorizing process, which follows the dry-cleaning, and start a serious fire.

WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!?!?!  Who keeps matches in their pockets?!  Why would you suddenly need matches?!  We are not boy scouts camping out in the wilderness; we are wives cooking barefoot in our freshly mopped kitchens.  Okay but really... I don't think I've ever kept a match in my pocket in my life.  I almost want to now, just to see what happens if I accidentally wash and then dry it.  Then again, it could send my apartment up in flames, so I guess I won't.

4. Be careful not to leave lipstick in pockets.  It can cause great damage to clothes during dry-cleaning.

Valid.  I bet  this one is still applicable.  I don't keep lipstick in my pockets, but it seems like people might actually do that.  I guess one out of four rules is still worth passing on.  So lesson of the day:  don't keep lipstick in your pockets.

Or buttons.

Or shoulder pads.

Or matches.

Enjoy your clean clothes!