"Beautiful silverware is a joy to own and an asset to any table decoration, but personalized silver is the pride of any discriminating hostess. It is a family heirloom to be handed down from generation to generation with stories of the mothers and grandmothers who used it. If you have recently purchased silverware, or if you have been fortunate enough to have received it as a gift, consider the advantages of having it monogrammed."
After reading that paragraph, don't you want monogrammed silverware? I do. It's the pride of any hostess! I want to have pride in my hostessing!
I have a nice enough silverware set. Well, I don't think it's real silver, but it gets food to my mouth pretty well so it's just fine. I obviously don't have the money to have the whole set monogrammed so I decided to just take the serving tools and have them done. This operation required a wingman (because I didn't want to look ridiculous all by myself), so my friend Elle graciously offered to go with me.
We went to the mall because I know that the store Things Remembered engraves things. A Snookie look alike asked if she could help us. Once I recovered from the shock of her cloud of perfume and heavy eye makeup, I presented her with my silverware and asked if they could engrave it. She took the pieces gingerly and asked if I knew what they were worth. I said I wasn't sure. She asked if they were antiques or family heirlooms. I said that they weren't....yet. I told her that they weren't worth very much (now) because they were from Bed, Bath, and Beyond. She said that she could do a single initial monogram on each piece for a total of $28 plus tax.
$28 plus tax?! That's a little steep for two letters! I asked if she knew of anywhere else that engraved. She said that there was a kiosk on the lower floor that does engraving, but they could only do laser engraving. She said that with disgust, as if laser engraving was the lowest of low. Well, I was only engraving my serving utensils so that I could be a proper and proud housewife, so I figured that laser engraving would do just fine for me.
Elle and I went downstairs and searched for the kiosk that Snooki told us about. When we found it, I presented my wares to the man at the kiosk and asked about having them engraved. He told me he would do the job for $3 each piece (for a total of $6). That sounded like a much better price, so I agreed. The man asked me which way I wanted to have the W engraved. Should it be facing the top of the handle, facing the bottom, or sideways? I panicked. I didn't know which way it was supposed to go! I opened my book to see if it had any directions for me. Yes, I had brought my book with me for such a time as this. Unfortunately, the book didn't have any pictures of the personalized silverware. The man looked at me like I was nuts for carrying around a giant old book and searching it for answers. I had a one in three shot of getting the answer right, and if I got it wrong then I would look like a total dweeb when anyone knowledgeable on this topic saw my silverware. Freak out!
Luckily my wingman came to my rescue. Elle said, "Don't worry! I'll look it up on my phone!" Using 2013 technology to solve a 1950 problem seemed a little bit like cheating, but I figured that I was at a disadvantage because I'd never seen personalized silverware. People in the fifties probably saw a lot of it. I decided that using new technology to make up for that disadvantage would be okay. Elle found some great pictures, and all of them had the letter facing the fork or spoon part of the silverware. I showed the pictures to the man and told him that's what I wanted. He said alright.
Mission Accomplished! Now I have my own personalized serving utensils, and I'm one step closer to being the penultimate fifties housewife.