Tuesday, January 8, 2013

Toaster Fail

In reading one of my Homemaker's Guidebooks, I came across a section on toasters.  There are only three directions to follow when considering your toaster, and I am zero for three.  Blast!  Here are the rules, verbatim from my book:

1. Don't buy blindly.  Know what types of toasters are available.

2.  Don't hide your toaster in a dark and inaccessible corner.

3. Do try to find a convenient, prominent place to keep it.

Rule number one is impossible to go back and follow now.  After all, I already have a toaster.  I didn't do any research before I bought it, either.  It was on sale at Wal-Mart and I thought, "Hey, a toaster!  That looks like a fun thing to have!" and I bought it.  What kind of research was I supposed to do, anyway?  The book claims that I should try to save up for a while in order to be able to buy a "high-end, automatic" toaster because the non-automatic toasters are quite tedious and inconvenient.

Ummm...does anyone out there know what the heck a "non-automatic" toaster is?!  Do you have to set the temperature yourself?  Do you have to watch the toast to make sure that it doesn't catch fire and burn your house down?  How many people in the fifties died due to a faulty non-automatic toaster?  This idea sounds highly weird, and I can see why they aren't popular anymore.

Just for fun, I decided to channel my inner fifties and do some "toaster research" to see what kind of toaster I would want if I were to go buy one now.  Here is the one I picked:

I don't think I chose it for the right reasons... I searched the web for about ten minutes for cute toasters and picked this one because it looks punchy.  But really, what was I supposed to research?  The book didn't give me much direction past the automatic/nonautomatic debate.  I know looks aren't all that matters, but...if it toasts my bread then I really don't know what else to base my decision upon.

Back to the rules I've broken:  Rule #2 says that the toaster cannot be placed in a "dark and inaccessible corner."  I think that sitting inside a cabinet next to our sink and behind our vases would probably count as both dark and inaccessible.  Here's the thing, though - I don't eat toast that often!  Rule #3 says that I have to put my toaster in a convenient and prominent place.  How come?  I don't want to take up precious counter space with my ugly toaster.  It will be like an ugly black mole on the otherwise flawless skin of my light counter tops.  Why do I have to have it out if I don't even use it?  That seems unfair.  I want to keep my toaster in the cupboard, and then I'll just take it out when I need it.

*Sigh*  I didn't start this project to criticize old home economics books, did I?  I started this project so that I would follow them.  Therefore, as soon as I finish writing this blog, I will take out our toaster and give it a more prominent place in our kitchen.  Who knows?  Maybe it will inspire me to eat more toast.  The toast will fill me up and make me eat less junk food, so I'll lose a bunch of weight and start a revolution called the Toast Diet.  There will be commercials about it, an international book tour, I'll open my own gym...etc.  And then I'll say, "I owe all of my success in life to following the home economics book's rules about toasters."

Hey, a girl can dream, right?  Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go brush the dust off of my toaster and treat it like the kitchen jewel that it is.


  1. I am all caught up on ALL your posts now :) They are just as much fun to read as they are to hear about in person!

  2. I threw ours away after Will kept using it and not cleaning out the crumb tray. It started smoking one day and I was done. I guess I am a REALLLY bad housewife. I do have a toaster OVEN though. Does that count?

    1. That depends...is your toaster oven displayed prominently on your counter top? ;-)